Anthony's Birth
Little Anthony James was born gently and beautifully at home on Sunday (May 18th) at 1:39am! Everyday I try to look for the words that express how amazing his birth was. I never imagined I could feel excitement, doubt and strength, trust and love, and pain and euphoria all at the same time. In the week or two before his birth, I was definitely feeling anxious and having fear that he would go “too long overdue” and I would end up being induced (and all the stuff that comes along with that). It was Cara’s visits and phone conversations, Kim’s suggestions and techniques, and Gayle's words of trusting my body always in my mind that helped me get through each day. ( I probably wouldn’t have been so anxious if I was on the path to a hospital birth anyway, but this just seemed like a lot more responsibility on my part).
Anyway, Anthony decided it was his time (a day before I would have to see an OB for a non stress test!) and he moved quickly! I guess having been in early labor for a week or so, my body was totally ready to get things done once true labor started. Mikey and I were just sitting on the couch together when I started having small but a bit painful contractions. (about 10:30pm Saturday night) They were less than two minutes apart and only 15 seconds long. Cara thought it was not real, but real would be coming! Just 20 minutes later, I felt (and heard, I swear) a massive “POP” and figured my water broke…but there was no water. However I was soon on my knees moaning to contractions that were less than 2 minutes apart…and sustained for 50 seconds or so. Cara listened to my voice, moans, reactions, etc. on the phone and then said she was heading over. Mikey also called Kim who came over immediately. I found that child’s pose was the only position I could tolerate. But very soon I told Mikey to fill the tub…I needed to be in water…now! I was already in the tub when Kim arrived. She lit my favorite candles and started the music (Hein Braat chanting…also thanks to Gayle!) Kim and Mikey also hung up lots of birth art that my friends painted for me during my Blessingway. Our bathroom was transformed into a beautiful birthing suite.
All of a sudden I told Kim I was pushing! My body just started and I totally went with it. Kim got Cara on the phone en route (she made it here in less than 30 minutes btw). I felt no fear or anything. I just did whatever my body told me to do and it felt really good. I would have to say it was the first time I really let myself go and just be in each moment. It all felt so perfect. I’ve heard of the rest between contractions, but didn’t really know that it can be a deep peaceful rest. I would come close to a sleep-like state between each contraction. That was really amazing!
By now I was squatting in the tub with my head resting on my arms on the side of the tub (we have a little seat built in that was a perfect space to rest my head and lean into). This forward squat was the only place I wanted to be. I tried a few other positions, but would quickly drop back here. It worked. I felt wide open and supported as I rocked Cara applied counter pressure along my back the whole time and that felt awesome. And that was the only outside help (hands on) I needed. Kim was so encouraging and telling me my sounds were great and productive and she would give me sips of raspberry leaf tea, water, and anything else I needed. I could’ve sworn my vocalizing could wake the neighborhood…but didn’t care at all at the time. It felt great to have these sounds come out of me…out of somewhere I’ve never tapped into before. They really did make me almost float over each contraction. Instead of tensing up and holding back in pain, I stayed just ahead of them like a surfer on a wave. (OK…corny….but I really did feel that). All the relaxation techniques we learn in yoga really helped me to focus on each contraction and get through it fairly easily. The pain was there, but the sensations of power and control were bigger than the pain. I remember saying out loud at some point “I can do this.” It just came out…I think I realized at that point that I was totally in control and everything would go smoothly.
A whole new set of sensations appeared when I felt the baby actually descending through my birth canal. This was really awesome. Aside from feeling like I was passing a bowel movement the size of Texas, I felt extreme pleasure along with pain during each contraction. There seemed to be a “spot” that felt so good under pressure that I found the rests between contractions were the hard parts, and I eagerly wanted another contraction to get that feeling back. I was almost giddy at the same time I was bearing down in pain!
I do remember those last few pushes with the ring of fire did really hurt and I got desperate to get the baby out!
When he emerged I felt a total burst of euphoria and started laughing uncontrollably. Cara placed him in my arms and on my chest and we both soaked in the warm water. I was saying all kinds of things about how amazing and unbelievable and awesome and beautiful this experience was and is. We were all so happy and Anthony was so perfect. He looked up at us, eyes wide open, and took everything in immediately. His big dark almond shaped eyes were the first things I saw in the dim candlelight.
About 15 minutes later, some contractions started again. I pushed during the third one and my placenta came right out. No one needed to help or coach. My body just did the natural thing. We had fun inspecting it and Mikey cut the cord a while after. (Yes, I saved it for print making and planting)
What came next was also so wonderful. Kim bathed me in the shower and wrapped me in warm towels. Some clothes were picked out and waiting and as I was carefully led to my own bed, Cara draped me in a freshly heated sheet. I really felt like a queen and the meaning of midwife, “with woman” really hit me. I was being beautifully cared for by women, those who had this experience before me. That connection means so much to me. I could go on about the rest of our night…it was just brilliant…but I’ll stop here for now. I will add that Anthony was a strong and vigorous nursing baby immediately and he was so peaceful, gentle, and alert.
Names mentioned are:
Cara Muhlhahn (midwife) www.cmmidwifery.com
Kim Collins (doula) www.doulamomma.com
Gayle Lemke (prenatal yoga instructor) www.shaktinj.com
